For some people getting criticized by co-workers or others is hard to accept so we might shut down and avoid hearing what they have to say. If we can try to actively listen, we might be able to help acknowledge and accept some grains of truth. Some people may fall into the
self-sabotaging trap of silently denying or ignoring the criticism or getting upset with
the person delivering the criticism with our hearing what they have to say. This is because of the number one fear of adults,
failure. We can be are our own worst enemy in assessing ourselves because we can be more
critical of ourselves, however, when others criticize us, we want to put up walls of
protection.
Below is a 4 step emotionally intelligent process linked to self-management to
make it easier to accept criticism from others and be able to grow from the
experience:
(1) Increase your self-awareness. Notice how you are feeling when someone
criticizes you or your work. Practice doing daily mental check-ins to assess
how you are feeling.
(2) How valid is the source? If it is coming from someone whose opinions
you value? Then decide to listen to what they have to say without initially
judging. If it is not a valid source, then just let the comments roll down your
back and move on.
(3) If it comes from a valid source, will I take responsibility for my
behavior? If after assessing you say "yes", then move to the next step. If
“no”, then I could check with a valid source if you want to further look into
the criticism or let it roll down your back. In your thought process say “next”
and move past the situation and onto other thoughts. Don’t let other people’s
judgements rule your thoughts.
(4) If the answer is “yes” in #3, then take appropriate action. Reflect on the
situation and take realistic steps to change the behavior to something that
works better for you and others.
We cannot grow without being able to listen to feedback from others and then
taking action when appropriate. Stop yourself from making an immediate
judgment, assess the feedback given and ask yourself if you can benefit from it. If
you cannot benefit and do not want to use the feedback information, just say “thank
you for your feedback” and realize that their assessment of the situation is just different.